


The Compelling Adventures of Quentin and Josh

by somegoldcanstay



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-02-27 10:11:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18736948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somegoldcanstay/pseuds/somegoldcanstay
Summary: After defeating the Monster and saving the love of his life, Quentin finds that Eliot has been kidnapped by Todd, and must pair up with Josh to rescue him.





	1. Oscars Oscars Everywhere!

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my wacky Josh/Q team up. I really wanted that in the show and never got it.

Quentin gasped when Eliot kissed him. They had been officially boyfriends for three weeks, ever since Eliot was rescued from the Monster. Quentin wasn’t used to the kisses. He was thankful Alice broke up with him because she wanted her own path. More like, she said she could see it all over his face, he wasn’t really into it, and ended it for him.

Eliot was gripping Quentin’s ass. Quentin squeaked, it caused Eliot to smile, and every little noise that came out of Q made Eliot friskier.

“We have dinner plans with my mom next week,” Quentin said between kisses.

“Does she know about me?”

“I told her you were the Oscar Wilde type.”

“That’s a wonderful compliment.”

Eliot pressed against Quentin in a way that him grateful Alice casted that sound proofing spell on the room. Everyone was extremely thankful. Quentin hid in the closet when everyone complained about the noise.

Quentin rolled over, the side of the bed Eliot usually slept on was empty and cold. Quentin sat up and searched for his underwear.

“El?”

A loud, frantic knock on his door made Quentin groan. Josh was wearing a Fillorian robe and his glasses were askew.

“Margo is gone,” Josh said.

Before Quentin could process what Josh said the two were pulled through a portal as if travelling with Penny. Quentin was wearing nothing but his underwear. It was the worst possible timing.

They found themselves falling. Josh screamed and reached for Quentin’s hand. The pair finally landed on their stomachs on a cold stony floor.

Before them stood Todd, wearing a wizard cloak and tossing a glass ball from hand to hand. He held it still long enough for Quentin to see Eliot and Margo inside. Margo seemed to be shouting though they couldn’t hear anything she was saying.

“What did you do, Todd?” Quentin asked.

“Took revenge on you assholes for leaving me out of everything. You want them back you have to complete a series of tasks and then defeat me. Good luck.”

“Wait. Where are we?” Josh asked.

Todd vanished in puff of smoke like a stage magician. They were stranded wherever it was they were.

“He didn’t leave any clues?”

“Fucking Todd,” said Josh. “We could look around or sit down and smoke some weed.”

_Of course, Josh would suggest getting high._ Quentin heard a rustling around the corner and jumped about a mile when a dwarf carrying an axe appeared out of nowhere. _Is that who I think it is?_

“Don’t just stand there, lads, grab a sword and make yourselves useful.”

Quentin looked around. There were people scrambling around everywhere, it looked like they were preparing for war.

“Excuse me,” said Quentin.

“You speak strangely.”

“I, uh, we aren’t from here.”

“I can see that. Come on now, spit it out. I do not have time for nonsense.”

“Where are we?”

“Helm’s Deep.”

_Holy shit. Middle Earth._ Todd dropped them in the middle of the siege at Helm’s Deep. Quentin had vaguely wondered if Middle Earth was real since Fillory was.

He grabbed Josh and pulled him away so they could speak in private.

“We’re in Middle Earth.”

“ _The Lord of the Rings_ is real?” Josh said, “Are we high already? I was not expecting this. We should figure out what Todd wants us to do. Do we help the good guys win at Helm’s Deep? I thought Gandalf did that.”

“We have to follow the Prime Directive.”

“I know that, Quentin. But obviously Todd brought us here for a reason. What would Margo do?”

“Blow something up or someone? Probably say fuck a lot.”

“Ok, what would Alice do?” Josh asked.

“I have no idea.” _Alice wouldn’t have landed herself in this situation._

They were wasting time that could be spent trying to save their partners. Quentin ached. He missed Eliot already. He sat down. _Eliot. I just got him back._

“Hey, Q, come on. Don’t give up on me. What would Frodo do?”

“Give up. He only made it because of Sam.”

“I’ll be your Sam. You can be Frodo.”

“Sam and Frodo weren’t at the Battle of Helm’s Deep.”

“Not to change the subject, but you’re in your underwear and I’m in a robe. Maybe we should steal some clothes.”

That was surprisingly a lot harder than they expected. Quentin accidentally stumbled into a home while a couple were in the middle of something. The man seemed to be about his size, he could tell that easily, so his clothes would have to do. Quentin tried not to look at them while trying to steal from him.

“Get out!” Shouted the woman, who covered herself. She tossed a boot at him. Quentin escaped a pair of trousers and nice boots. He needed a shirt.

But he didn’t want to interrupt a couple in the middle of sex again. He would have to find one somewhere else. A man with long curls was talking to a blonde woman about something Quentin couldn’t hear. _Holy Shit._

“Holy shit that’s Eowyn.” The beautiful woman caught him staring. She detached herself from the man, who Quentin only realized must have been Aragorn.

“Why are you not dressed?”

“I, uh, well–er. I wasn’t supposed…I.”

“Come. I believe my brother might have something that would fit from when he was much skinnier.”

_Holy shit._

“Hey, do you know what I’m supposed to do? Like, why am I here?”

She ignored his question as she made a fuss over him. She dressed him then fed him and brushed his hair. He allowed it. Maybe it was part of Todd’s evil plan.

“My Lady, we caught this one in the kitchen,” said a man in armor. He held Josh by the neck of his tunic. He was holding a loaf of bread.

“Josh,” Quentin said.

“My friend knows him. Let him go.”

“Is that Eowyn?” Josh asked. “Hi. I’m Josh.”

“We do not have time for this. If you are better now, please go. Take care of yourself. See the blacksmith for a sword. Both of you.”

“Are we staying to battle?” Josh asked. “We’re Magicians.”

Quentin tried a spell. It didn’t work. Whatever the rules were in Todd’s stupid game, they had to do it without magic and modern technology.

The siege was worse than Quentin could have imagined, but he was starstruck when he saw Aragorn fighting down below. He was sure he let out a noise that would have made Eliot raise an eyebrow.

“Look,” Josh said.

Quentin had been in full fanboy mode he almost missed it until Josh shoved him. In the middle of the marching army was the most anachronistic thing Quentin had ever seen.

One of the soldiers was carrying an Oscar statue.

“How many Oscars did the _Return of the King_ win?” Josh asked.

“Eleven. Also, the Battle of Helm’s Deep is in _the Two Towers_.”

“This is going to be a long day.”

The battle raged on around them. An Orc got its face smashed in and fell beside Quentin, who was glad Penny was not around to make fun of him for nearly leaping into Josh’s arms. Another came at him from the side and was killed by a handsome man.

“Get back inside the castle,” he said, holding on to Quentin. He had the deepest blue eyes.

“Aha,” Quentin said. _Speak, Dammit. You have a boyfriend._ This man should have no effect on you.

Words were difficult to form. He squirmed and made incoherent noises and finally decided to point at the thing he needed.

“You want that small golden man?”

“Are you going to cuddle or fight?” asked another solider. The man grinned at Quentin and pushed him in the direction of the castle.

“I will get it. Go back inside. You don’t belong here.”

“You have a boyfriend,” Josh reminded Quentin when they were back inside.

“I know.”

The man had returned carrying the statue. He handed it to Quentin with a sweeping bow. He stared at Quentin so intensely Quentin had to look away. The man was as tall as Eliot, but with eyes so blue they seemed unnatural.

“I hope I survive this battle so I may learn your name and see these innocent brown eyes again.”

He disappeared. They had one Oscar. They just needed ten more. But where to look. Pretty Flirty Guy as Josh was calling him, brought Quentin another Oscar he had snatched off an orc trebuchet.

He caressed Quentin’s chin, and sighed deeply, Pretty Flirty Guy winked before taking up a spear and throwing it through three orcs at once. He smiled at Quentin before running off. Quentin swallowed hard and felt himself blush.

“Do you notice all hot guys now that you’re with a god tier level hot?” Josh asked as he shoved both Oscars in the satchel he found.

“You think Eliot is god tier hot?”

“From what Margo said he’s hung like a centaur. Sounds pretty god level to me.”

Quentin stopped and gaped at Josh, who shrugged like what he said was no big deal.

“I am not talking about the size of Eliot’s dick right now. We have a quest.”

“Is that why you’re glowing? the Quest or the attention from hot Middle Earth guy?”

Quentin ignored that and walked towards a group of women being evacuated. One of them was carrying the third Oscar.

“May I have that?” Josh asked. He tried to grab it. The woman smacked him with it. “Ow. Shit.”

“Who are you?”

The old woman was spry. She was ready to fight Josh. She punched him the in the arm. He looked at Quentin who shrugged.

“I can’t fight grandma!”

“If you defeat me, it is yours.”

“You’re going to have to fight her,” Quentin said.

“Fine. But we do this my way. Arm wrestling.”

Josh explained the rules to the woman. She agreed and they shook hands. Quentin and the remaining women built them a make shift table out of rocks and debris and Josh and the old woman grabbed hands.

“She’s surprisingly stronger than she looks.”

“Think about Margo yelling at you.”

“She’d tell me to nut up.”

Josh pinned the old woman’s arm to the table and stood up victorious. He clapped hands with Quentin and earned their third Oscar.

The fourth and fifth were across the battle field in orc territory. Quentin and Josh shrugged. There was no way effective way to get through.

“We could ask Pretty Flirty Guy,” suggested Josh. “Bat your eyelashes at him, give him a puppy stare.”

“I—I uh…I um…Eliot.” Quentin struggled. He ran a hand through his hair. _I can’t flirt._

“We’re in Middle Earth, Q. I’d flirt with someone to get the fuck out of here. It’s what Margo would want.”

“Eliot isn’t Margo.”

“Fine. I guess we live here now. Frankly, getting high with Merry and Pippin sounds like a blast. When we’re done let’s swing by Isengard and chill with them.”

Quentin threw his hands in the air. Flirting with a solider in the midst of battle was a stupid, stupid plan. One that gave him anxiety. If he caused the heroes to lose, he would never forgive himself.

Quentin found Pretty Flirty Guy on the turret fighting with an orc. He grabbed Quentin by the waist and held onto him as he cut off an orc head.

“I thought I told you to stay out of danger.”

“We found two more gold men.”

Quentin pointed at something gold and shiny on the other side of the battlefield.

“If I get it for you, will you tell me your name? I cannot die not knowing.”

“Yes,” Quentin said, “I’m coming with you.”

Pretty Flirty Guy dropped Quentin over the wall then landed beside him on his feet. He took his hand began sneaking through enemy territory.

“We could use disguises,” said Quentin.

“I have an idea,” said the solider. He left Quentin behind and returned with empty barrels that once contained corn and vegetables. They were big enough for the men to hide in completely. Quentin grinned. _I know where this is going._

They couldn’t be more obvious if they were just walking through with targets on their backs, but somehow the barrels worked. They put the barrels over their heads and began to sneak. When someone was about to spot them, they’d stand perfectly still.

“I can’t believe this is working.”

They made it far enough to fight their way through the rest of the way. Pretty Flirty Guy fought off orcs while Quentin grabbed the statues. They were sitting on a rock just openly. Todd wasn’t creative enough to make Quentin fight for it.

An orc disarmed PFG, and Quentin grabbed the sword and jammed it into the orc’s face.

“Thank you,” said PFG, standing up. He was out of breath. He touched Quentin’s face. “You are very brave, small one.”

“Quentin.”

“Eoin.”

They shook hands. Eoin pulled Quentin close as a swarm of orcs were running at them.

“I didn’t plan an exit strategy.”

“I have another idea. You will not like it,” said Eoin. He nodded at the trebuchet.

“Fuck.”

“It is the fastest way back to Helm’s Deep. Are you afraid?”

“I was eaten by a dragon once. I’ve done weirder.”

“If we live, I must hear that story. Come.”

They climbed in the sling of the trebuchet and waited for it to be flung. They held onto each other. Quentin screamed as they flew through the air.

The two men landed behind the turret Eoin was fighting on before. They rolled to a stop and Eoin released Quentin.

“Alright, you got them,” said Josh.

The next few forced them to abandon the battle and travel outside Helm’s Deep. There was one in Rohan, two were under water, and one was with the elves. Josh really enjoyed Lothlorien.

Eoin accompanied them, Quentin believed it was to get out battle, but Josh liked having someone around who could protect them.

“Don’t forget about the dragon that ate Benedict,” Josh said as Quentin told about the dragons. “Some crazy person we knew convinced him he was the father of her dragon baby.”

“In my defense the dragon had that effect on people.”

“You are not from Middle Earth?”

“You figured it out. Good job.”

“You are wizards?”

“Yes,” Josh said.

“There are no dragons here, since Smaug.”

“They stop being cool after they eat you,” Quentin said.

“Are you married?” Eoin asked. He stared at Quentin but made the question general.

“No. I’d like to be,” said Josh.

“No,” answered Quentin.

He suddenly remembered Arielle and Eliot and their son, Teddy, and their life. He wanted that with Eliot. This ridiculous quest was for him.

The universe didn’t want to make it easy. Quentin noticed the pretty man was watching him with interest.

“I have someone. He’s not my husband, but he’s special.”

“You have beautiful eyes. Filled with innocence. I am jealous of him; I will help you get back to him.”

And he did. Quentin and Josh would have died without his help. That was an exhausting adventure. When they collected the eleventh Oscar from up a very tall tree with a chip on its metaphorical shoulder, they were suddenly zapped home.

Quentin wished he could say goodbye to Eoin.

He crashed on the couch face down when he got back. Quentin felt someone cover him with a blanket.

He looked up to see Josh crash hard on the other end of the couch, a blanket thrown over him. Was it that astral projection Penny told him about? He was too sleepy to care.


	2. Penny is Super Into Dance, Dance Revolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time Penny shows up to help Quentin and Josh try to win back their loves.

Quentin sat on the floor in the middle of his circle of Oscar statues, waiting for Todd to show up and claim them and release Eliot to him. At least he hoped that was what was going to happen.

But only Penny and Julia showed up. They blipped in. After all these years he thought he would be used to that. She tiptoed through the Oscars to sit next to Quentin.

“Did you rob the Academy?”

“No.”

“Then where did you get these?”

“Middle Earth.”

“I’m confused.”

“Middle Earth is real. I’ve been there twice. Before I could control my travelling, I accidentally ended up in a corn field with some hobbits. The other time I took them something I thought might help them,” said Penny, as if it was the normal thing to say. Quentin wondered why he didn’t know about this until now.

“My life is just got five times nerdier,” said Julia. “Where’s Eliot?”

“Todd kidnapped him and Margo and now Josh and I have to defeat him to save them.”

It was as if talking about it, caused it to happen, the entire room changed into a video arcade that smelled like stale pizza and body odor. Purple strobe lighting and pop music set the mood. _I already hate this._

“What the fuck?” said Penny. “Come on, I’ll travel us out of here?”

“Not so fast, Pretty boy,” said Todd wearing yellow skinny jeans and a graphic tee that had a band on it Quentin didn’t care about because he never had a K-pop phase.

“What the actual fuck, Todd?” Penny said.

Todd snapped his fingers and Josh appeared holding a muffin. He joined the others as he looked around the arcade confused. _I want a muffin._

“We found the Oscars, so give Eliot and Margo back.”

“You think this is over, Quentin?”

“I hoped.”

Todd grinned evilly and snapped his fingers again to reveal three hard metal platforms and a big giant arcade like game.

“ _Dance Dance Revolution_?” Quentin said looking at Evil Todd, who stepped onto the platform. Josh was rolling up his sleeves. There were two platforms on their side. Quentin and Josh both had to compete to defeat Todd.

“Two against one. Three rounds. Two out of three games to be the winner. Then maybe I will give you Eliot and Margo. We’ll see. No promises.”

“Listen, asshole, I fought a fucking orc getting Oscar statues. You don’t scare me. Let’s do it.”

“Hang on, Q,” Julia said, stopping him. “You’re terrible at this. Remember seventh grade at James’ arcade birthday party? You called your mom and went home crying.”

“That was one time, Jules. I think I can do this.”

“Pussy,” whispered Penny. “Alright, I don’t want any comments, but I used to do this to let off steam in high school. It got the voices out of my head. I’ll play. Sit down, Coldwater.”

“Thank you, Penny. I owe you.”

The track was some extremely fast Japanese song set to the hardest level. Quentin couldn’t watch, the whole thing was making him panic. He stared at the crystal ball with Eliot and Margo inside. He held it against him. _Eliot!_

“Hey, you’ll save him. Don’t worry.”

“I just got him back, Julia. It isn’t fair.”

He peered into the globe to notice Eliot was staring at him. He wanted to kiss it, and hug it and be close to it.

Penny was amazing at DDR, and Josh was adequate. He was a man of many skills. They lost round one. Penny laid into Josh, who was already sweating. Penny looked like he was about to murder him.

“I need a different partner,” Penny said.

“I know exactly who it should be,” Julia gasped. “Five minutes?”

“Fine.”

Penny took Julia. They snapped back immediately with Marina-23.

“What? The unimpressive white boys couldn’t keep up? Ok, hot one, let’s crush this asshole.”

It was like watching twins who were perfectly in sync with each other. Marina had a hard, competitive look on her face and Penny was concentrating.

“Wow. I suck compared to them,” said Josh.

Marina and Penny didn’t mess a step and won round 2. The rested for a bit to catch their breaths. Marina and Penny sat together congratulating each other. She fanned herself. Quentin wanted this whole thing to be over. He clutched the crystal ball like his life depended on it.

“Ready, Penny?” Marina asked.

“Absolutely,” Penny said.

“Is anyone else surprised Penny is really good at this?” Josh asked. Quentin raised his hand. _Was Penny-40 also good at this?_

“No. It seems like something he’d be good at,” Julia shrugged.

Quentin peeked at Eliot. He had written a little note and held it up for Quentin. It said, “Don’t give up, Q.”

Quentin hugged the crystal ball close. He thought since Todd was busy, he could sneak off with it. He could figure out how to get them out on his own. Before he could get away Julia stopped him.

“I have a bad feeling about it. Just wait.”

“It’s Eliot.”

Before he had a chance to argue his case it was already over.

Penny and Marina won. They high fived each other and then doubled over to catch their breath.

“You may have won, but Quentin and Josh did not. Good luck on your next challenge.” Todd grabbed the ball from Quentin and blipped out.

“That’s not fair. You allowed the substitution. Th-this is bull shit.”

“Settle down, Coldwater,” said Penny.

“You would be mad too if it were Julia who was taken.”

“It’s not the same thing.”

“Yes, it is,” Quentin said defiantly.

“He’s right,” said Marina, “It is the same. For once I’m on mediocre fuckboy’s side.”

But Todd had already left with the glass ball and the Oscar statues. They were back in Kady’s apartment.

Kady and Alice were wrapped around each other kissing like they were in an adult film. _What is happening?_ Both women were topless. Quentin wasn’t sure what he was intruding on, but he was sure his ears were pink.

“Get a room,” Penny said.

“This is my apartment,” Kady protested.

“What’s going on?” Alice asked as she tried to cover herself. Quentin suddenly remembered she lost her virginity with her clothes on and felt embarrassed for her.

“Hang on, we’re all friends here,” said Josh.

Kady tugged on Alice’s hand to lead her to the bedroom, but Alice didn’t budge. Quentin sat on the couch and pulled his knees up to his chest.

“I just got him back. I don’t think I can do this again. I just don’t have the energy. Stupid Todd ruined Middle Earth for me. It’s been a really long day.”

“Quentin?” Alice asked. She sat beside him. “What happened?”

“Come in the kitchen and I’ll tell you,” said Julia.

“He’s just gone. Again,” Quentin whispered as they all went into the kitchen.

Quentin stared off into space. He recognized this before. The depression monster was staring at him. He shut his eyes to make him go away.

“Nice going, dipshit. You lost your boyfriend because you can’t play _Dance Dance Revolution_. Can you do anything? God, you’re pathetic. What does that hot guy see in you?”

“Go away,” Quentin said.

“Q,” Julia said, sitting down beside him. She held his hand. “Q, can you hear me.”

“Ok. So, what’s the next challenge?” Kady asked.

“It’s been kind of random. The first time we were sucked into a portal to Middle Earth,” said Josh.

“ _The Lord of the Rings_ is real?” Kady asked.

“Apparently. We had to find eleven Oscar statues.”

“That’s really random,” Alice said.

“Yeah, no shit,” Penny said. “Then it was that cracked game of _Dance Dance Revolution_. This quest makes no sense.”

“It’s also super nerdy,” said Kady.

Quentin was tired. He wanted to take a nap. It reminded him of the monster. When he would lie down for a nap the Monster would wake him.

He missed Eliot so badly he could cry. He wanted to cry. He imagined Eliot stroking his hair.

“Q.”

The voice wasn’t Eliot’s. It was pulling at him. He opened his eyes, to see Julia shaking him gently. She handed him a glass of water and a sandwich.

“I’m not hungry.”

“I’m not asking.”

“Eat it or be in it,” said Kady.


	3. Karaoke? I Don't Know Her.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our trio is back for an exciting new task: Stripping. Oh gods.

“Zombies would be hard,” Josh mumbled over lunch while trying to figure out possibilities for their third task. It had been three days since the last one. No one was sure why Todd had given them a few days off, but Quentin desperately missed Eliot. “The Avengers would be cool. If we had to fight Thanos.”

“We would lose against Thanos.”

“Can you two stop being nerds for two seconds?” Penny asked. He stabbed a french fry with a fork while glowering at Quentin, who cowered.  _One day, he might actually succeed in killing me with his mind._

“No one asked you to be here. This is our thing,” Quentin said.

“Wrong. Julia asked me to help you. For some reason, she loves you. So here I am.”

“Then try to be helpful.”

“Maybe if you two banged you wouldn’t hate each other,” Josh suggested. Quentin felt a blush and wished his hair was longer to hide behind.  _No. No. NO!_

“He couldn’t handle it,” Penny blew a kiss at Quentin just like that time in their first year at Brakebills when he ratted Quentin out. 

“I can handle Eliot.”

“I’ve heard,” Penny said, “We all have.”

“Thats…I…” 

“Yeah, you’re loud as fuck.”

Penny was staring at him intensely to freak him out.  _Its kind of working._  With Penny, he was always a delicate balance between scared and horny.

“You can bang. I’ll wait,” Josh suggested.

“Shut up, Dick Josh.”

“I’m not Dick Josh. Josh-23 is Dick Josh.”

“So, what if Todd throws us into another story-book world?  _Hunger Games_?  _Dune_?” Quentin wanted to change the subject.

“ _Harry Potter_?” Josh suggested.

"First of all, both of you would die during the  _Hunger Games_."

"Why would you say that?" Josh asked.

"Because I would kill you." 

“Penny, is Caladan a real place?” Quentin asked, ignoring them. “Its from Dune.”

“In the prequel Paul was born on Kaitain,” Josh added.

“Yeah, but the original feels more canon to me.”

“Will you nerds shut up? If its real I’ve never been there. I wish he would just zap us where the fuck he needs us so I can end this.”

“Maybe you should stop chasing Julia. We are a package deal,” Quentin said.

 _If looks could kill._ _Wait, can Penny kill people with his mind?_

Penny was about to argue when the floor dropped from beneath them and they landed in what looked like a dungeon, similar to the one in Plover’s house where the sister kept the kids.

 _Shit._  Quentin could hear his own heart pounding. He reached for Josh and Penny, but did not find them.  _Am I alone?_

On the wall across from him were words glowing in the dark.  _Because that's not ominous._

“Hello, little nerd. Solve these puzzles. Move on to round four.”

A door opened and Quentin found himself in a room with six colored eggs: red, blue, yellow, green, orange, purple. Every egg was the same size and shape, but they all were different weights. Quentin found an index card with instructions written in Klingon. Quentin grinned as he deciphered it. Two of the eggs were made of chocolate, three contained poison, and one had a key inside it.

 _Choose one. One chance. Must bite the egg._  Quentin tried to cast a reveal spell, but again it didn’t work.  _Why would it?_  He stared at the eggs in turn. He picked each one up in turn to test the weight. The yellow one was the heaviest, the red the lightest. 

A key would be light. The blue egg felt hollow. But chocolate eggs were often hollow.

 _“Its the green one,”_ said Penny’s voice in his mind.

 _“How are you doing this?”_ Quentin thought.

_“I’m a psychic, dumbass. Its the green one. I read Todd’s mind. Do it now before he changes it.”_

Quentin took a bite of the green egg and revealed the silver key. He stuck it in the door to the next room opened and he was reunited with Josh and Penny. 

“Took you long enough. We figured out what you were supposed to do right away,” said Penny.

Todd started clapping. No one had noticed he was even in the room with them.

“Can I have my fucking boyfriend back?” Quentin asked.

“Nope. I’m having way too much fun making you work for it.”

“These challenges don’t make any sense. What does me biting an egg have to do with shit? Why can’t I just battle you? I’ve killed gods. I came face to face with my depression monster. You don’t scare me.”

Todd stood in front of him wearing an evil smirk. What few lights there were in the room were dimmed making it damned impossible to see.

“What sort of battle would you choose?” Todd asked.

“Card game,” Quentin said.

“No. I’d be at a disadvantage. It must be equal for me and Josh and Penny.”

“Battle magic.”

“Then I’m at an advantage. None of you graduated.”

“How about something we’re all really bad at?” Josh suggested.

Everyone was looking at him.

“Sports?” Quentin asked.

“Speak for yourself,” said Penny.

“Karaoke,” Josh said.

“Well, if we’re all equally bad, then sure,” agreed Todd.

The karaoke was so bad that Todd nearly rage quit, which was what Quentin wanted. Todd’s creepy rendition of  _Barbie Girl_  made everyone extremely uncomfortable.

Penny knocked out _All Star_  by Smash Mouth because it was the only song he knew all the words to.

Josh had the strongest voice and went last with  _Take Me Home, Country Roads_. Quentin squeaked out the Golden Girls theme song, and hated every note of it. 

A guy in the back of the bar raised his beer to him. They had gone to real bar instead of something Todd conjured. It would have made sense to just fabricate one, but he had Penny drag them to this bar. 

Todd downed a shot and decided everyone should do a second round of singing and let the audience decide who won.

Quentin was sitting at the bar next to Penny who was looking at the song book with Josh and they were deeply focused on the best songs for their voices.

“Hey,” said Bar Guy. He tapped Quentin on the chin. “You have sad eyes.”

He was almost thirty and shorter than Eliot.  _Everyone is taller than me._

“I just didn’t so well,” Quentin said. The man ordered him a drink.

“I liked your singing, little one. Maybe when you're done with this stupid contest you'd let me ask you out."

"Um...what?"

“Q,” said Josh. “You have to sing George Michael.” Quentin downed his drink. He was hit on by a very attractive man and wasn't sure he could handle it. He focused instead on Penny and Josh as the man tried to get his attention. 

“Ok.”

The man tapped Quentin’s chin. His hands were calloused from years of hard work, unlike Quentin’s soft skin, proving he never really worked a day in his life.

"Your name starts with a Q? How strange. What kind of name starts with a Q?"

Todd got up to the microphone. He was about to begin when a man yelled, “Take off your clothes.”

Quentin looked around. There were no women in the bar, except a girl his age in the corner doing dishes. She wore a shirt with the bi flag colors on it.

“I think we’re in a gay bar.”

“No shit,” Penny said.

“If you knew why didn’t you say anything?”

“You’re a dumbass, has anyone ever told you that?”

“Yes, but that doesn't explain how you knew that all along."

“Fine. I will take off my clothes as I sing,” Todd agreed.

Todd began _Baby_ , and losing layers. He was surprisingly really popular with the crowd of drunk men. 

“Oh this is bad,” Josh said. “They love him.”

Someone wolf whistled. Todd was down to his underwear when the song ended. People were cheering for him and he looked surprisingly happy.

“That was actually really fun,” he said sitting down at the bar. “Top that, Coldwater.”

“Quentin doesn’t top anything,” Josh said. Penny laughed and Quentin wanted to hide.

It was Quentin’s turn. He breathed in and out slowly.  _This is the most embarrassing thing I have ever done._

A shaky off key version of _Faith_ by George Michael was what Quentin began to strip to. He wanted to throw up, but he thought of Eliot. Eliot would have nailed this challenge on the singing and the stripping.

_Be like Eliot._

Quentin was down to his tank top boxers by the time it was over. Josh was welcomed to the stage with incredible enthusiasm. When he began to peel off layers the men got rowdy. The crowd was so loud, Quentin was sure Josh may have won the challenge and he still had all his clothes on. Josh began to clap to get the crowd excited. 

“Why are they loving this?” Todd asked.

“Non traditional body type confidence probably,” Quentin responded.

Josh bowed when he was down to his underwear. He seemed to natural at it. Penny was on his feet cheering loudly because they have just won the contest on Josh alone. 

“Penny?” Todd asked.

“Nope. That’s not happening.”

“We did it.”

“Too fucking bad. I’m out.”

“Come on,” urged the bar tender.

“Nope."

"Oh, come on, you wanted to play along, so do it." 

"It doesn't matter," said the bartender, "They love your friend."

Josh was being passed over the crowd. They loved him! The crowd set Josh down in front of his friends. He was smiling so wide, Quentin had to admire him. 

"Margo would be so proud of you."

"Speaking of Margo," Todd said, "You won, Josh. Congratulations, you can have Margo back."

"I can?" 

"If you can answer one question. What is my discipline?"

Quentin heard the sound of the  _Jeopardy_ theme song as they waited for Josh to answer. 

"Physical."

"I mean, you're not wrong, but that's not exactly what I was looking for." 


End file.
